the days of my life-第38章
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he rose to high office in the Order while still a young man； though now； after eighteen years of silence more plete even than that in which he dwelt； probably he is forgotten。 Others pray where he prayed； think what he thought and fast as he fasted； till； worn out by privation and by the burning fire of spiritual ardour； they join him in his unrecorded grave。 So it has ever been with spirits like his own。 In Egypt I have seen the cells occupied by anchorites a thousand years before Christ was born。 On Tabir； Mount of the Transfiguration； I have stood in the living tombs of the hermits who dreamed away their long years； generation after generation of them； and hollowed the rock of the holy mountain with their nightly tossings。 In Tibet the lean and wasted claw of the immured； thrust through some hole to grasp the offering of food； advises the traveller that here； dead and yet breathing； dwells a holy man who thus seeks to propitiate the unanswering gods。 That which was； still is and shall be while the world endures； not in one religion but in many。
I make no excuse for the telling of this true tale； because it seems to me to constitute a human document of great interest。 It is not often that we have the opportunity of ing face to face with this kind of heart as it reveals itself in the foregoing letters。 Besides； any whom it does not interest can leave it unread。
May my dear friend’s prayer be fulfilled： may we meet again in some other phase of life and there learn the true reason of these matters； if a mon； erring man may hope to associate with a spirit so purified and — yes； so holy。 Peace be with him； but since I for one cannot believe that he and all mankind are the victims of a ghastly delusion； or are led forward by mocking marsh…fires of self…evolved aspirations to be lost in some bottomless gulf of death； I will not add — farewell。
To return to my own history。 When I reached home everyone was very glad to see me； especially my mother； but my father did not wele my reappearance with whole…hearted enthusiasm。 He remarked with great candour that I should probably bee “a waif and a stray；” or possibly — my taste for writing being already known — “a miserable penny…a…liner。” I am sure I do not wonder at his irritation； which； were I in his place today； I should certainly share。 He saw that I had thrown up my billet and he had no faith in the possibilities of African farming。
All of these things； and others； he told me in the course of a row which arose over the loss of a gigantic turtle which I had brought home from the Island of Ascension； where I had visited my brother John； who at that time was first…lieutenant of H。M。S。 Flora。 The Island of Ascension； by the way； where they catch these turtles on the beach and store them in tanks； is a very interesting spot； for there one sees a part of the world in the making。 On the top of a peak is a green area of soil that I presume owes its origin to the droppings of sea…birds。 Below is bare rock。 This area must have been formed within recent times； say during the last 500；000 years； and in another million or so of years doubtless it will have spread all over the island。 The processes of nature are distinctly slow。
In some mysterious way my turtle got lost in the London Docks。 Personally I thought the occurrence fortunate； for what would have been done with the creature if I had succeeded in conveying it safely to Bradenham Hall still alive and flapping； I cannot conceive。 Imagine the local butcher confronted with a turtle； imagine the domestic cook and the quantities of soup that would have resulted； if it ever got so far as soup！ I pointed all this out to my father； but he took another view。 He wanted his turtle and said so； often； and alas！ it had vanished in the London Docks。 Probably a steward sold it to a City pany on the sly。 A sportive passenger on the ship made a rhyme on the matter。 It began：
’Tis true； O my Father； from distant lands I’ve e； a bad penny； back on your hands； But when once you have tasted this nice green fat； You won’t care； O my parent； one kipper for that。
The trouble was that he never did “taste that nice green fat。”
However； things righted themselves by degrees； as somehow they generally do when one is young and not afraid to take chances。 To begin with； not long after my arrival in England I did the wisest and best deed of my life and engaged myself to be married。
The young lady whom I met thirty…two years ago； and who is today； God be thanked； living； and strong enough to have ent last week； was named Louisa Margitson； the only surviving child of Major Margitson of the 19th Regiment and of Ditchingham House in this county； where we now live。 The Margitsons were originally yeomen in the neighbourhood of North Walsham； crossed with Huguenot blood — we still hold their property； or some of it。 They intermarried with the respected Norwich family of the name of Beckwith； and also with a descendant of Dr。 Robert Hamilton of Lynn； a distinguished man in his day； who was a friend of Sir Joshua Reynolds。 There still hangs in this house a portrait of Countess Margaret Georgiana Spencer and child； by Reynolds； which is said to have been given by him to Dr。 Robert Hamilton； my wife’s great…great…grandfather。 On her mother’s side she is also directly descended from the great Scottish family of Hamilton； thus having a double cross of that blood in her veins。 Her parents died in her youth； leaving her the heiress to certain landed property which would have been valuable had real estate in Norfolk retained the worth which it had at the time of their death。 As things are we do not get much out of it； indeed I believe that directly and indirectly I must have expended nearly as much upon the properties as； up to the present； we have received during our tenure of them。 For instance； fifty years ago the estate produced sufficient to support a family in something more than fort。 Now its rentals； although it is totally unencumbered； about pay for the upkeep of the house and gardens。 I mention these facts because I see it recorded in works of reference that I married an “heiress；” which is an elastic term。
My dear wife was a schoolfellow of my sister Mary； and was staying with her at Bradenham when we met。 After a short acquaintance we became engaged； and at first all went well enough； subsequently； however； her guardians — for she was not yet of age — after consenting to her engagement； reconsidered the matter and wished her to break it off。 I do not altogether blame them； since at the moment my prospects were not particularly brilliant。 As it chanced； however； my wife； perhaps the most upright and straightforward woman whom I ever knew； was not one of a nature to play fast and loose in such matters。 She declined； whereupon one of her guardians； who was a lawyer； made her a ward in Chancery。 Well do I remember appearing before Vice…Chancellor Malins； a kindly old gentleman and man of the world； upon whose gouty toe I inadvertently trod when shaking hands with him。 He soon sifted the matter out and approved of the engagement； making certain directions as to settlements； etc。 The result of the whole business was that； including the cost of the settlements； a very moderate estate was mulcted in law expenses of a sum of nearly 3000 pounds！
In after days I and my wife’s relations； with most of whom； by the way； I never had any difference at all； as they were no parties to these proceedings； became and remained the best of friends。 So I wish to say no more of the matter except that I regret those moneys which went in quite useless law costs。 The end of the business was that after about a year of these excursions and alarums we were duly married on August 11； 1880； I being twenty…four and my wife within a few months of twenty…one； and departed from this house to Norwich in a carriage drawn by four grey horses with postilions。 This is interesting； as I believe it must have been one of the last occasions upon which postilions were used for such a purpose in England； except of course in the case of royal personages。 At any rate I have never seen or heard of them since in this connection； and how we came to have them I do not quite know。 I can see them now i
