little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第49章
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pretence of recreation and enjoyment。 He asked where the suppositious
party was? At a place where she worked; answered Little Dorrit;
blushing。 She had said very little about it; only a few words to
make her father easy。 Her father did not believe it to be a grand
party……indeed he might suppose that。 And she glanced for an instant at
the shawl she wore。
'It is the first night;' said Little Dorrit; 'that I have ever been away
from home。 And London looks so large; so barren; and so wild。' In Little
Dorrit's eyes; its vastness under the black sky was awful; a tremor
passed over her as she said the words。
'But this is not;' she added; with the quiet effort again; 'what I have
e to trouble you with; sir。 My sister's having found a friend; a lady
she has told me of and made me rather anxious about; was the first cause
of my ing away from home。 And being away; and ing (on purpose)
round by where you lived and seeing a light in the window……'
Not for the first time。 No; not for the first time。 In Little Dorrit's
eyes; the outside of that window had been a distant star on other nights
than this。 She had toiled out of her way; tired and troubled; to look up
at it; and wonder about the grave; brown gentleman from so far off; who
had spoken to her as a friend and protector。
'There were three things;' said Little Dorrit; 'that I thought I would
like to say; if you were alone and I might e up…stairs。 First; what I
have tried to say; but never can……never shall……'
'Hush; hush! That is done with; and disposed of。 Let us pass to the
second;' said Clennam; smiling her agitation away; making the blaze
shine upon her; and putting wine and cake and fruit towards her on the
table。
'I think;' said Little Dorrit……'this is the second thing; sir……I think
Mrs Clennam must have found out my secret; and must know where I e
from and where I go to。 Where I live; I mean。'
'Indeed!' returned Clennam quickly。 He asked her; after short
consideration; why she supposed so。
'I think;' replied Little Dorrit; 'that Mr Flintwinch must have watched
me。'
And why; Clennam asked; as he turned his eyes upon the fire; bent his
brows; and considered again; why did she suppose that?
'I have met him twice。 Both times near home。 Both times at night; when
I was going back。 Both times I thought (though that may easily be my
mistake); that he hardly looked as if he had met me by accident。' 'Did
he say anything?'
'No; he only nodded and put his head on one side。'
'The devil take his head!' mused Clennam; still looking at the fire;
'it's always on one side。' He roused himself to persuade her to put some
wine to her lips; and to touch something to eat……it was very difficult;
she was so timid and shy……and then said; musing again: 'Is my mother at
all changed to you?'
'Oh; not at all。 She is just the same。 I wondered whether I had better
tell her my history。 I wondered whether I might……I mean; whether you
would like me to tell her。 I wondered;' said Little Dorrit; looking at
him in a suppliant way; and gradually withdrawing her eyes as he looked
at her; 'whether you would advise me what I ought to do。'
'Little Dorrit;' said Clennam; and the phrase had already begun; between
these two; to stand for a hundred gentle phrases; according to the
varying tone and connection in which it was used; 'do nothing。 I will
have some talk with my old friend; Mrs Affery。 Do nothing; Little
Dorrit……except refresh yourself with such means as there are here。 I
entreat you to do that。'
'Thank you; I am not hungry。 Nor;' said Little Dorrit; as he softly
put her glass towards her; 'nor thirsty。……I think Maggy might like
something; perhaps。'
'We will make her find pockets presently for all there is here;' said
Clennam: 'but before we awake her; there was a third thing to say。'
'Yes。 You will not be offended; sir?'
'I promise that; unreservedly。'
'It will sound strange。 I hardly know how to say it。 Don't think it
unreasonable or ungrateful in me;' said Little Dorrit; with returning
and increasing agitation。
'No; no; no。 I am sure it will be natural and right。 I am not afraid
that I shall put a wrong construction on it; whatever it is。'
'Thank you。 You are ing back to see my father again?'
'Yes。'
'You have been so good and thoughtful as to write him a note; saying
that you are ing to…morrow?'
'Oh; that was nothing! Yes。'
'Can you guess;' said Little Dorrit; folding her small hands tight in
one another; and looking at him with all the earnestness of her soul
looking steadily out of her eyes; 'what I am going to ask you not to
do?'
'I think I can。 But I may be wrong。' 'No; you are not wrong;' said
Little Dorrit; shaking her head。 'If we should want it so very; very
badly that we cannot do without it; let me ask you for it。'
'I Will;……I Will。'
'Don't encourage him to ask。 Don't understand him if he does ask。 Don't
give it to him。 Save him and spare him that; and you will be able to
think better of him!'
Clennam said……not very plainly; seeing those tears glistening in her
anxious eyes……that her wish should be sacred with him。
'You don't know what he is;' she said; 'you don't know what he really
is。 How can you; seeing him there all at once; dear love; and not
gradually; as I have done! You have been so good to us; so delicately
and truly good; that I want him to be better in your eyes than in
anybody's。 And I cannot bear to think;' cried Little Dorrit; covering
her tears with her hands; 'I cannot bear to think that you of all the
world should see him in his only moments of degradation。'
'Pray;' said Clennam; 'do not be so distressed。 Pray; pray; Little
Dorrit! This is quite understood now。'
'Thank you; sir。 Thank you! I have tried very much to keep myself from
saying this; I have thought about it; days and nights; but when I knew
for certain you were ing again; I made up my mind to speak to you。
Not because I am ashamed of him;' she dried her tears quickly; 'but
because I know him better than any one does; and love him; and am proud
of him。'
Relieved of this weight; Little Dorrit was nervously anxious to be gone。
Maggy being broad awake; and in the act of distantly gloating over the
fruit and cakes with chuckles of anticipation; Clennam made the best
diversion in his power by pouring her out a glass of wine; which she
drank in a series of loud smacks; putting her hand upon her windpipe
after every one; and saying; breathless; with her eyes in a prominent
state; 'Oh; ain't it d'licious! Ain't it hospitally!' When she had
finished the wine and these eniums; he charged her to load her basket
(she was never without her basket) with every eatable thing upon the
table; and to take especial care to leave no scrap behind。 Maggy's
pleasure in doing this and her little mother's pleasure in seeing Maggy
pleased; was as good a turn as circumstances could have given to the
late conversation。
'But the gates will have been locked long ago;' said Clennam; suddenly
remembering it。 'Where are you going?'
'I am going to Maggy's lodging;' answered Little Dorrit。 'I shall be
quite safe; quite well taken care of。'
'I must acpany you there;' said Clennam; 'I cannot let you go alone。'
'Yes; pray leave us to go there by ourselves。 Pray do!' begged Little
Dorrit。
She was so earnest in the petition; that Clennam felt a delicacy in
obtruding himself upon her: the rather; because he could well understand
that Maggy's lodging was of the obscurest sort。 'e; Maggy;' said
Little Dorrit cheerily; 'we shall do very well; we know the way by this
time; Maggy?'
'Yes; yes; little mother; we know the way;' chuckled Maggy。 And away
they went。 Little Dorrit turned at the door to say; 'God bless you!' She
said it very softly; but perhaps she may have been as audible above……who
knows!……as a whole cathedral choir。
Arthur Clennam suffered them to pass the corner of the street before he
followed at a distance; not with any idea of encroaching a second time
on Little Dorrit's privacy; but to satisfy his mind by seeing her secure
in the neighbourhood to which she was accustomed。 So diminutive she
looked; so fragile and defenceless against the bleak damp weather