little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第114章

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for　me　in　any　one　of　fifty　ways；　and　that　took　it　into　its　head　not　to
do　it　at　all。　So　here　I　am；　a　poor　devil　of　an　artist。'

Clennam　was　beginning；　'But　on　the　other　hand……'　when　Gowan　took　him　up。

'Yes；　yes；　I　know。　I　have　the　good　fortune　of　being　beloved　by　a
beautiful　and　charming　girl　whom　I　love　with　all　my　heart。'　（'Is　there
much　of　it？'　Clennam　thought。　And　as　he　thought　it；　felt　ashamed　of
himself。）

'And　of　finding　a　father…in…law　who　is　a　capital　fellow　and　a　liberal
good　old　boy。　Still；　I　had　other　prospects　washed　and　bed　into　my
childish　head　when　it　was　washed　and　bed　for　me；　and　I　took　them　to
a　public　school　when　I　washed　and　bed　it　for　myself；　and　I　am　here
without　them；　and　thus　I　am　a　disappointed　man。'

Clennam　thought　（and　as　he　thought　it；　again　felt　ashamed　of　himself）；
was　this　notion　of　being　disappointed　in　life；　an　assertion　of　station
which　the　bridegroom　brought　into　the　family　as　his　property；　having
already　carried　it　detrimentally　into　his　pursuit？　And　was　it　a　hopeful
or　a　promising　thing　anywhere？

'Not　bitterly　disappointed；　I　think；'　he　said　aloud。　'Hang　it；　no；　not
bitterly；'　laughed　Gowan。　'My　people　are　not　worth　that……though　they　are
charming　fellows；　and　I　have　the　greatest　affection　for　them。　Besides；
it's　pleasant　to　show　them　that　I　can　do　without　them；　and　that　they　may
all　go　to　the　Devil。　And　besides；　again；　most　men　are　disappointed　in
life；　somehow　or　other；　and　influenced　by　their　disappointment。　But　it's
a　dear　good　world；　and　I　love　it！'

'It　lies　fair　before　you　now；'　said　Arthur。

'Fair　as　this　summer　river；'　cried　the　other；　with　enthusiasm；　'and　by
Jove　I　glow　with　admiration　of　it；　and　with　ardour　to　run　a　race　in　it。
It's　the　best　of　old　worlds！　And　my　calling！　The　best　of　old　callings；
isn't　it？'

'Full　of　interest　and　ambition；　I　conceive；'　said　Clennam。

'And　imposition；'　added　Gowan；　laughing；　'we　won't　leave　out　the
imposition。　I　hope　I　may　not　break　down　in　that；　but　there；　my　being
a　disappointed　man　may　show　itself。　I　may　not　be　able　to　face　it　out
gravely　enough。　Between　you　and　me；　I　think　there　is　some　danger　of　my
being　just　enough　soured　not　to　be　able　to　do　that。'

'To　do　what？'　asked　Clennam。

'To　keep　it　up。　To　help　myself　in　my　turn；　as　the　man　before　me　helps
himself　in　his；　and　pass　the　bottle　of　smoke。　To　keep　up　the　pretence
as　to　labour；　and　study；　and　patience；　and　being　devoted　to　my　art；　and
giving　up　many　solitary　days　to　it；　and　abandoning　many　pleasures　for
it；　and　living　in　it；　and　all　the　rest　of　it……in　short；　to　pass　the
bottle　of　smoke　according　to　rule。'

'But　it　is　well　for　a　man　to　respect　his　own　vocation；　whatever　it　is；
and　to　think　himself　bound　to　uphold　it；　and　to　claim　for　it　the　respect
it　deserves；　is　it　not？'　Arthur　reasoned。　'And　your　vocation；　Gowan；
may　really　demand　this　suit　and　service。　I　confess　I　should　have　thought
that　all　Art　did。'

'What　a　good　fellow　you　are；　Clennam！'　exclaimed　the　other；　stopping
to　look　at　him；　as　if　with　irrepressible　admiration。　'What　a　capital
fellow！　You　have　never　been　disappointed。　That's　easy　to　see。'

It　would　have　been　so　cruel　if　he　had　meant　it；　that　Clennam　firmly
resolved　to　believe　he　did　not　mean　it。　Gowan；　without　pausing；　laid　his
hand　upon　his　shoulder；　and　laughingly　and　lightly　went　on：

'Clennam；　I　don't　like　to　dispel　your　generous　visions；　and　I　would　give
any　money　（if　I　had　any）；　to　live　in　such　a　rose…coloured　mist。　But　what
I　do　in　my　trade；　I　do　to　sell。　What　all　we　fellows　do；　we　do　to
sell。　If　we　didn't　want　to　sell　it　for　the　most　we　can　get　for　it；　we
shouldn't　do　it。　Being　work；　it　has　to　be　done；　but　it's　easily　enough
done。　All　the　rest　is　hocus…pocus。

Now　here's　one　of　the　advantages；　or　disadvantages；　of　knowing　a
disappointed　man。　You　hear　the　truth。'

Whatever　he　had　heard；　and　whether　it　deserved　that　name　or　another；　it
sank　into　Clennam's　mind。　It　so　took　root　there；　that　he　began　to　fear
Henry　Gowan　would　always　be　a　trouble　to　him；　and　that　so　far　he　had
gained　little　or　nothing　from　the　dismissal　of　Nobody；　with　all　his
inconsistencies；　anxieties；　and　contradictions。　He　found　a　contest　still
always　going　on　in　his　breast　between　his　promise　to　keep　Gowan　in
none　but　good　aspects　before　the　mind　of　Mr　Meagles；　and　his　enforced
observation　of　Gowan　in　aspects　that　had　no　good　in　them。　Nor　could　he
quite　support　his　own　conscientious　nature　against　misgivings　that　he
distorted　and　discoloured　himself；　by　reminding　himself　that　he　never
sought　those　discoveries；　and　that　he　would　have　avoided　them　with
willingness　and　great　relief。　For　he　never　could　forget　what　he　had
been；　and　he　knew　that　he　had　once　disliked　Gowan　for　no　better　reason
than　that　he　had　e　in　his　way。

Harassed　by　these　thoughts；　he　now　began　to　wish　the　marriage　over；
Gowan　and　his　young　wife　gone；　and　himself　left　to　fulfil　his　promise；
and　discharge　the　generous　function　he　had　accepted。　This　last　week　was；
in　truth；　an　uneasy　interval　for　the　whole　house。　Before　Pet；　or　before
Gowan；　Mr　Meagles　was　radiant；　but　Clennam　had　more　than　once　found　him
alone；　with　his　view　of　the　scales　and　scoop　much　blurred；　and　had　often
seen　him　look　after　the　lovers；　in　the　garden　or　elsewhere　when　he　was
not　seen　by　them；　with　the　old　clouded　face　on　which　Gowan　had　fallen
like　a　shadow。　In　the　arrangement　of　the　house　for　the　great　occasion；
many　little　reminders　of　the　old　travels　of　the　father　and　mother
and　daughter　had　to　be　disturbed　and　passed　from　hand　to　hand；　and
sometimes；　in　the　midst　of　these　mute　witnesses；　to　the　life　they　had
had　together；　even　Pet　herself　would　yield　to　lamenting　and　weeping。
Mrs　Meagles；　the　blithest　and　busiest　of　mothers；　went　about　singing
and　cheering　everybody；　but　she；　honest　soul；　had　her　flights　into　store
rooms；　where　she　would　cry　until　her　eyes　were　red；　and　would　then
e　out；　attributing　that　appearance　to　pickled　onions　and　pepper；　and
singing　clearer　than　ever。　Mrs　Tickit；　finding　no　balsam　for　a　wounded
mind　in　Buchan's　Domestic　Medicine；　suffered　greatly　from　low　spirits；
and　from　moving　recollections　of　Minnie's　infancy。　When　the　latter　was
powerful　with　her；　she　usually　sent　up　secret　messages　importing
that　she　was　not　in　parlour　condition　as　to　her　attire；　and　that　she
solicited　a　sight　of　'her　child'　in　the　kitchen；　there；　she　would　bless
her　child's　face；　and　bless　her　child's　heart；　and　hug　her　child；　in　a
medley　of　tears　and　congratulations；　chopping…boards；　rolling…pins；　and
pie…crust；　with　the　tenderness　of　an　old　attached　servant；　which　is　a
very　pretty　tenderness　indeed。

But　all　days　e　that　are　to　be；　and　the　marriage…day　was　to　be；　and　it
came；　and　with　it　came　all　the　Barnacles　who　were　bidden　to　the　feast。
There　was　Mr　Tite　Barnacle；　from　the　Circumlocution　Office；　and　Mews
Street；　Grosvenor　Square；　with　the　expensive　Mrs　Tite　Barnacle　NEE
Stiltstalking；　who　made　the　Quarter　Days　so　long　in　ing；　and　the
three　expensive　Miss　Tite　Barnacles；　double…loaded　with　acplishments
and　ready　to　go　off；　and　yet　not　going　off　with　the　sharpness　of　flash
and　bang　that　might　have　been　expected；　but　rather　hanging　fire。　There
was　Barnacle　junior；　also　from　the　Circumlocution　Office；　leaving　the
Tonnage　of　the　country；　which　he　was　somehow　supposed　to　take　under
his　protection；　to　look　after　itself；　and；　sooth　to　say；　not　at　all
impairing　the　efficiency　of　its　protection　by　leaving　it　alone。　There
was　the　engaging　Young　Barnacle；　deriving　from　the　sprightly　side　of　the
family；　also　from　the　Circumlocution　Office；　gaily　and　agreeably　helping
the　occasion　along；　and　treating　it；　in　his　sparkling　way；　as　one　of　the
official　forms　and　fees　of　the　Church　Department　of　How　not　to　do　it。
There　were　three　other　Young　Barnacles　from　three　other　offices；　insipid
to　all　the　senses；　and　terribly　in　want　of　seasoning；　doing　the　marriage
as　they　would　have　'done'　the　Nile；　Old　Rome；　the　new　singer；　or
Jerusalem。

But　there　was　greater　game　than　this。　There　was　Lord　Decimus　Tite
Barnacle　himself；　in　the　odour　of　Circumlocution……with　the　very　smell　of
Despatch…Boxes　upon　him。　Yes；　there　was　Lord　Decimus　Tite　Barnacle；　who
ha