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第5章

四季随笔-the private papers of henry ryecroft(英文版)-第5章


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ine…clad ridge of Haldon。 That was one of the moments of my life y state of mind was very strange。 Though as boy and youth I had been familiar with the country; had seen much of England's beauties; it was as though I found myself for the first time before a natural landscape。 Those years of London had obscured all my earlier life; I was like a man town…born and bred; who scarce knows anything but street vistas。 The light; the air; had for me something of the supernatural……affected me; indeed; only less than at a later time did the atmosphere of Italy。 It was glorious spring weather; a few white clouds floated amid the blue; and the earth had an intoxicating fragrance。 Then first did I know myself for a sun… worshipper。 How had I lived so long without asking whether there was a sun in the heavens or not? Under that radiant firmament; I could have thrown myself upon my knees in adoration。 As I walked; I found myself avoiding every strip of shadow; were it but that of a birch trunk; I felt as if it robbed me of the day's delight。 I went bare…headed; that the golden beams might shed upon me their unstinted blessing。 That day I must have walked some thirty miles; yet I knew not fatigue。 Could I but have once more the strength which then supported me!
I had stepped into a new life。 Between the man I had been and that which I now became there was a very notable difference。 In a single day I had matured astonishingly; which means; no doubt; that I suddenly entered into conscious enjoyment of powers and sensibilities which had been developing unknown to me。 To instance only one point: till then I had cared very little about plants and flowers; but now I found myself eagerly interested in every blossom; in every growth of the wayside。 As I walked I gathered a quantity of plants; promising myself to buy a book on the morrow and identify them all。 Nor was it a passing humour; never since have I lost my pleasure in the flowers of the field; and my desire to know them all。 My ignorance at the time of which I speak seems to me now very shameful; but I was merely in the case of ordinary people; whether living in town or country。 How many could give the familiar name of half a dozen plants plucked at random from beneath the hedge in springtime? To me the flowers became symbolical of a great release; of a wonderful awakening。 My eyes had all at once been opened; till then I had walked in darkness; yet knew it not。
Well do I remember the rambles of that springtide。 I had a lodging in one of those outer streets of Exeter which savour more of country than of town; and every morning I set forth to make discoveries。 The weather could not have been more kindly; I felt the influences of a climate I had never known; there was a balm in the air which soothed no less than it exhilarated me。 Now inland; now seaward; I followed the windings of the Exe。 One day I wandered in rich; warm valleys; by orchards bursting into bloom; from farmhouse to farmhouse; each more beautiful than the other; and from hamlet to hamlet bowered amid dark evergreens; the next; I was on pine…clad heights; gazing over moorland brown with last year's heather; feeling upon my face a wind from the white…flecked Channel。 So intense was my delight in the beautiful world about me that I forgot even myself; I enjoyed without retrospect or forecast; I; the egoist in grain; forgot to scrutinize my own emotions; or to trouble my happiness by parison with others' happier fortune。 It was a healthful time; it gave me a new lease of life; and taught me……in so far as I was teachable……how to make use of it。
X
Mentally and physically; I must be much older than my years。 At three…and…fifty a man ought not to be brooding constantly on his vanished youth。 These days of spring which I should be enjoying for their own sake; do but turn me to reminiscence; and my memories are of the springs that were lost。
Some day I will go to London and revisit all the places where I housed in the time of my greatest poverty。 I have not seen them for a quarter of a century or so。 Not long ago; had any one asked me how I felt about these memories; I should have said that there were certain street names; certain mental images of obscure London; which made me wretched as often as they came before me; but; in truth; it is a very long time since I was moved to any sort of bitterness by that retrospect of things hard and squalid。 Now; owning all the misery of it in parison with what should have been; I find that part of life interesting and pleasant to look back upon……greatly more so than many subsequent times; when I lived amid decencies and had enough to eat。 Some day I will go to London; and spend a day or two amid the dear old horrors。 Some of the places; I know; have disappeared。 I see the winding way by which I went from Oxford Street; at the foot of Tottenham Court Road; to Leicester Square; and; somewhere in the labyrinth (I think of it as always foggy and gas…lit) was a shop which had pies and puddings in the window; puddings and pies kept hot by steam rising through perforated metal。 How many a time have I stood there; raging with hunger; unable to purchase even one pennyworth of food! The shop and the street have long since vanished; does any man remember them so feelingly as I? But I think most of my haunts are still in existence: to tread again those pavements; to look at those grimy doorways and purblind windows; would affect me strangely。
I see that alley hidden on the west side of Tottenham Court Road; where; after living in a back bedroom on the top floor; I had to exchange for the front cellar; there was a difference; if I remember rightly; of sixpence a week; and sixpence; in those days; was a very great consideration……why; it meant a couple of meals。 (I once FOUND sixpence in the street; and had an exultation which is vivid in me at this moment。) The front cellar was stone…floored; its furniture was a table; a chair; a wash…stand; and a bed; the window; which of course had never been cleaned since it was put in; received light through a flat grating in the alley above。 Here I lived; here I WROTE。 Yes; 〃literary work〃 was done at that filthy deal table; on which; by the bye; lay my Homer; my Shakespeare; and the few other books I then possessed。 At night; as I lay in bed; I used to hear the tramp; tramp of a posse of policemen who passed along the alley on their way to relieve guard; their heavy feet sometimes sounded on the grating above my window。
I recall a tragi…ical incident of life at the British Museum。 Once; on going down into the lavatory to wash my hands; I became aware of a notice newly set up above the row of basins。 It ran somehow thus: 〃Readers are requested to bear in mind that these basins are to be used only for casual ablutions。〃 Oh; the significance of that inscription! Had I not myself; more than once; been glad to use this soap and water more largely than the sense of the authorities contemplated? And there were poor fellows working under the great dome whose need; in this respect; was greater than mine。 I laughed heartily at the notice; but it meant so much。
Some of my abodes I have utterly forgotten; for one reason or another; I was always moving……an easy matter when all my possessions lay in one small trunk。 Sometimes the people of the house were intolerable。 In those days I was not fastidious; and I seldom had any but the slightest intercourse with those who dwelt under the same roof; yet it happened now and then that I was driven away by human proximity which passed my endurance。 In other cases I had to flee from pestilential conditions。 How I escaped mortal illness in some of those places (miserably fed as I always was; and always over…working myself) is a great mystery。 The worst that befell me was a slight attack of diphtheria……traceable; I imagine; to the existence of a dust…bin UNDER THE STAIRCASE。 When I spoke of the matter to my landlady; she was at first astonished; then wrathful; and my departure was expedited with many insults。
On the whole; however; I had nothing much to plain of except my poverty。 You cannot expect great fort in London for four…and… sixpence a week……the most I ever could pay for a 〃furnished room with attendance〃 in those days of pretty stern apprent

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